


kiss, consume

by The_Onion_Wanton



Series: Hands Unclean [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Demonstuck, Non-Binary Sollux Captor, brief appearance of guns & violence, lit major venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6479530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Onion_Wanton/pseuds/The_Onion_Wanton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat has a useless major and there's something off about his roommate's buddy </p>
<p>(part of a series but can be read on its own)</p>
            </blockquote>





	kiss, consume

**Author's Note:**

> davekat is canon

“Why is Roland Barthes so dramatic? “ Karkat entered the kitchen blindly, searching for the large and mostly-full bag of hot ranch Doritos he'd seen Sollux leave there a few hours prior. “Like, okay, leaving it up to the reader’s interpretation is really cool and all but the death and birth metaphors are beginning to freak me out.“ Here they were. Karkat picked the bag up, exhaled.

“Yeah, can’t believe he’d just murder the author.”

He dropped the chips, spun around. The artificially flavoured tortillas exploded across the kitchen floor; Karkat swore.

“Man,” sighed the stranger sprawled across his couch, shaking their head wistfully. “So sad when they go at their prime.”

Karkat felt like his jaw was physically unhinging. “What the fuck?”

“Death of the author, right? That’s what you were talking about?” The intruder seemed non-plussed. “It’ll be really weird if you weren’t.”

“What—“ Of course it was a fucking lit major. “What are you doing in my apartment?!”

The person reached up to touch the dark aviators perched on top a freckled nose. “It’s Sollux’s place, technically.”

“I pay half the rent, so shove it up your urethra.” The stranger snorted, a hint of surprise. Karkat scowled. “So, you know nem?”

They nodded, reached out a hand. “’m Dave.”

“That’s nice.” They looked really bad, now that Karkat thought about it— not in an aesthetic sense (they had a really nice aesthetical– No.) but in the pure _Wow, this person might need some actual medical assistance_ way. Their lips were chapped, face sunken in, skin that waxy pallid texture. “You good?”

There was a moment of silence. Dave shrugged. “A little hungry.”

—

“No but this show is so good because it’s physically impossible for Bill to get laid but everyone still draws him—“

Dave’s tirade was interrupted by the house phone ringing. Karkat jumped to his feet, thanked heavens.

“Saved by the bell,” he muttered, rushed up to the device.

Dave laughed. “90’s sitcom titles?” He rolled over so that he was once again taking up most of the couch, grinned. “Stop it, I’ll nut.”

“I’ll nut you out of my apartment, be quiet.” He brought the headphone to his face, ignored Dave’s exaggerated weeping. “Hi?”

“Karkat?” It was Sollux: his roommate of three weeks now, a computer sciences major two years Karkat’s senior. “Hey, a friend of mine might be coming over tonight. He’s a big personality, so if you could—“

“Dave Strider?” Karkat interrupted. Sollux stopped in nir tracks. “He’s already here, yeah.”

“Holy shit, did he do something?”

“Uh.” Sollux sounded almost panicked. Karkat couldn’t remember ever hearing nem speak this much, or this fast. “He’s just watching Gravity Falls on your Netflix. I fed him a little while ago and—“

“You _what_?!”

Dave burst out laughing. Karkat raised an eyebrow; Dave waved him off.

“Yeah, he cleared out the last of cereal.” Two whole boxes, to be precise. “Is everything okay?”

Sollux’ was panting heavily. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Are you running?”

“I’ll be there in a few.”

“Sollux?!”

Ne hung up. Karkat remained unmoving for a second, struggling to process the last few minutes.

“Classic Sollux,” Dave spoke from his seat. Karkat set the phone down, returned to the couch. On screen, a group of animated girls were beating up a herd of unicorns.

“This is quality TV,” Dave announced. Karkat had to agree.

—

Sollux arrived roughly half an hour later, windblown and sweating. Nir face was red, nir eyes afire.

“Strider,” ne said. Their lisp was threatening to take over. “What the fuck.”

Dave seemed unbothered, blew nem a kiss. “I love you too, babycheeks.”

“What the _fuck_.”

Sollux was yet to close the door. Dave continued eating his scrambled eggs, apparently undisturbed by the happenings around him.

“Where’d you even gets the eggs.”

“Karkat—” Dave stopped, choked back a laugh— “ _fed_ me.”

“You dick,” Sollux finally slammed the doors shut, toed of nir shoes. “I’ll be in my room.”

“See you in a few.”

Sollux produced a loud, exasperated groan, stalked off in the direction of nir bedroom. Karkat watched the interaction in silence, not daring to move.

Dave kept on chewing. He was watching Adventure Time now.

“Dave?”

“Huh?”

“What just happened?”

He finally turned to look at Karkat, grinned. There was some bacon stuck between his teeth. “Dunno what you mean.”

Karkat rolled his eyes. Dave finished the last of his plate, sighed in content.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” Karkat muttered. Dave turned around, grin even wider.

“Oh, babycheeks,” he leaned into Karkat’s personal space, smacked his lips in a mockery of a kiss. “I’d marry you now if I could but alas,”

“Well, technically.”

Dave stopped. Karkat screwed his mouth shut.

“Let’s abandon this train of thought.”

Dave laughed, nodded. The tips of his ears were red.

—

Karkat lay in his bed, wide awake, wondering where his life had gone wrong. Was it hooking up with his best friend even though he was technically courting a girl of his dreams? Was it ignoring that said best friend and his then-now girlfriend had been having sex for several months? Was it only bringing it up as he left the state? Was it spending all of his tuition money on top surgery and therefore being stuck with some shitty new-wave artsy college instead of Stanford? God knew. Karkat wasn’t sure if he even believed in one. But God;

No one deserved having to listen his roommate and some random douchebag have a loud all-night sex session. 

No one.

He pressed open palms to his ears, shouted. Dave was still louder.

Morning came a small infinity later, the dynamic duo a small infinity of times. Karkat made a pot of coffee, glowered at the self-satisfied way Sollux pranced into the kitchen, dressed in an ugly mustard turtleneck and a pair of baggy sweats.

“Morning,” ne whistled, browsing the fridge. Karkat didn’t bother replying. “Dave’s asking if you’ll make more eggs.” Ne apparently decided on a pop-tart, popped it into the microwave. “He really liked them.”

“Can he not use a pan?”

“Won’t go as far as to say he can, but—” Sollux started, stopped to giggle. “He’s too sore to move.”

Karkat closed his eyes, exhaled. Sollux giggled again.

He didn’t make any eggs. He did, however, knock on Sollux’s doors in passing. A muffled voice told him to come in.

Dave was sprawled across the bed, wrapped around a pillow, the Hulk pattern sheet wrapped around his torso apparently the only thing he was wearing. He seemed asleep; with the ridiculous eyewear absent, Karkat could make out the dark freckles, the bushy eyebrows, the heavy bags under Dave’s eyes.

He closed the doors. He felt weird.

—

Jade Harley sat next to him during syntax, nudged his shoulder with hers.

“Long night?”

“My roommate brought someone home,” he sighed, closing the paperback copy of _The Scarlet Letter_ he’d been sneakily reading under the desk.

“Oh.” Jade bit the inside of her cheek, laughed.

Karkat glowered. “Glad you find it amusing.”

“I do not!” A grin cracked at her— very bad, honestly— attempt at poker face. “Maybe a little.”

Jade Harley, Karkat strongly felt, was a force of nature. She was three years into robotics, two into biology, and taking language courses just to “brush up on hers!” Karkat, who was struggling to keep up with his English and Filmology combination, couldn’t help but be blown away.

She was also, fittingly, mind-blowingly gorgeous.

She was tall— much taller than him— skin a soft brown shade, eyes golden amber, and had a smile large and sincere, made only more charming by the chipped front tooth. Her braided locks reached her mid-back, always pulled back with colourful scrunchies. Her nails were always a bright, glittery shade.

“Do you know this person?” she asked; their teacher, a bespectacled man in his early thirties, send them a disapproving look. Jade smiled in apology, continued. “You didn’t mention nem seeing someone.”

“I don’t think ne is,” Karkat agreed. It felt sort of wrong, discussing Sollux’s sex life with a third party. Then again, it wasn’t like they’d ever meet, or like Jade knew nem enough for this to be considered gossiping. “Just...showed up yesterday. His name is Dave.”

Jade perked up at that.

Karkat raised an eyebrow. “You know him?”

“A Dave? I know a few.” Jade winked, wrote something down in her notebook. “Was he cute?”

Karkat recalled Dave’s freckled face, long and pale thigh. He blinked the pictures away. “Wasn’t looking.”

“Sure,” she teased. 

He rolled his eyes. “Are you actually taking notes?”

“I’m doing calc.”

He snorted, and she joined in, shrugged. “Seriously, why are you even taking this class?”

“Easy extra credit,” she confessed. “Plus, the company is good.”

“Stop, you’re making me blush.”

She blew him a kiss. The professor barked out their names; they resolved to pay attention for the rest of the lecture.

—

Dave was at his house again— or still?— looking significantly better than the night before. Karkat wasn’t sure if it was the sex, the sunlight, or the sheer amount of food and sleep he’d gotten, but it was working.

“Don’t you have a house?” Karkat asked in place of a greeting. Dave looked up. The shades were back on— figures. “Don’t you have, I don’t know, classes?”

“I’m taking a gap year,” Dave deadpanned. He had a small juice box in his arms, cartoon characters and a straw and all. It was apple juice. “And I live with my lesbian sister, so….”

Karkat scowled. “What does her sexuality have to do with anything?”

“She has a girlfriend and they have loud sex.”

“Wow, that must be terrible,” Karkat shot back. Dave either didn’t catch the jab or chose to ignore it.

“Even worse, they hold hands,” he went on. “Make meals together.”

“So, what you’re trying to say is—” Karkat set his books down, walked over to the kitchen— “she doesn’t want you there?”

“Bingo.”

—

He was at his place again, the day after, eating chips and watching Netflix. Karkat was starting to get the impression he did little else.

“Good to see you aren’t wasting your gap year,” Karkat muttered from the doorway. Dave looked up, beamed. His shades were still on.

“Welcome home.” He waved, flipped another chip into his mouth. “Sollux said I’m welcome whenever.”

“Ne did what now?”

“I’m paraphrasing a little,” Dave relented. “But ne gave me the keys and I sucked nir dick so—“

“Wow, okay!” Karkat threw his jacket onto the coat hanger— missed, by far, but decided to ignore that for now— and stormed off in the direction of his bedroom.

“Holy shit, holy shit, I’m sorry,” Dave scampered to his feet, laughing. Karkat could feel how red his face was. “Don’t run off. Tell me more about Barthes.”

Karkat turned around, squinted. “I have homework.”

Dave shrugged. “If you change your mind, I’ll be here.”

“You do that.”

He really was there, an hour later, when Karkat gave up on Jakobson’s fifty page structuralist wankfest. He was watching the Powerpuff Girls, eating pizza.

“Where’d that come from?”

Dave looked up, waved at Karkat. “My pocket. You’re welcome.”

Karkat rolled his eyes, sat down next to the guy. “Holy shit, paying for your own food? Next thing you’ll know you’ll be doing something ludicrous, like watching TV at your own house.”

Dave laughed. “You’re so sweet.”

They sat in silence for a while, Dave munching on his food.

“You can take some, if you wanna,” Dave spoke up.

Karkat glowered at him. “I know,” he hissed. “You’re freeloading in my apartment, the last thing I’m going to feel is any respect for your stuff—“

“So you don’t want any, gotcha.”

Karkat fumed. “I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Oh.” Dave’s mouth formed a small ‘o’. Karkat sat back, grinned; for some reason, it felt like a victory.

They spent the next hour watching cartoons, and then Karkat got hungry; Dave offered to cook, made eggs. Karkat thanked him, confused and on high alert. Dave talked through the dinner. When Karkat ended up bringing his homework to the living room, his whole face lit up.

“Dude, is that Film?”

“Introduction to Filmology, yes.”

“You’re taking that?” Dave leaned over his seat, into the papers. “Can I help?”

Karkat scowled. “Can you?”

“I’m good at film, yo.”

Karkat felt the beginning of a grin tug on his lip. “ _Res, non_ —“

Dave was already sitting down next to him, pulling the worksheet over. “I’ll give you res, bro, I’ll give you all the res.”

—

Karkat was returning from his shift when it happened. He was taking a shortcut, half-way home, in a dark alley with headphones on but not playing. A gunshot echoed through the night. Karkat froze at the stop, internal monologue blank.

Someone ran out in front of him, panicked and limping, eyes blown wide in—

Eyes. Holy shit, the eyes.

They were so bright and so red it took Karkat a moment to realize he knew this person. “Dave?!”

“Karkat,” he breathed. He was bleeding extensively. The dark, thick liquid seeped through his tank-top, down his bared arms. His shades were gone. His lip was busted.

Karkat dropped his biology textbook. Dave stared at him, mouth moving, inaudible. There was blood on his teeth, too.

“Karkat?” a familiar voice came from behind Dave’s back. Karkat’s eyes widened; his heart skipped a beat.

“Jade?!”

She looked so different. Her hair was still pulled back with a bright yellow crunchie and her nails were still chipped green but her eyes were cold. She wasn’t smiling. There was a gun in her hand. “Jade, what the hell—“

A hand grabbed his shoulder. He jumped, twisting uselessly. The man holding him was about his height but much stockier. He had Jade’s eyes, frameless squared glasses.

“Jake, get him away!” Jade called out, gun aimed at Dave’s head. His eyes were still pinning Karkat in place, desperate. “I’ll take care of it.”

“You sure?” The man— Jake— had a strong Australian accent, a slight drawl to his speech. “He’s a tricky one.”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay—“

Karkat pulled the pepper spray out of his pocket with practiced velocity, got Jake straight under the glasses. The man screamed, tightened his grip on Karkat’s shoulder. Out in his peripheral vision, Jade was screaming, and Dave—

There were teeth, sharp teeth, sinking into his neck. Karkat opened his mouth, but no sound came out. His head felt light.

He was spun around. Dave’s eyes bore into his. His shoulder felt sticky, warm.

“Hold on,” Dave warned. There was a gunshot. The alley disappeared.

—

“Holy shit, Dave?!”

They were in someone’s living room; a room that most definitely wasn’t the alleyway, and not a second had passed, and Karkat’s head still felt dizzy, and his shoulder wasn’t aching for some reason and Dave-

Dave stumbled back. Karkat caught him in the last second; his eyes went out of focus, back in.

“Dave?!”

“Can you— shit,” his eyes rolled back, his fingers dug into Karkat’s shoulder. He lowered them back to the floor, cupped Dave’s cheeks.

“Dave, I failed first aid,” he warned. “Don’t do this to me.“

Dave laughed, coughed up some blood. “Take me to the kitchen,” he gestured. “Those doors over there.”

“Why—“

Dave’s eyes went blank again. Karkat hauled him up, hand around his torso, and started walking.

It took them nearly three minutes to cross the room. Dave told him to wait out, the doors slammed into his face effectively shutting off any protests. At loss as to what to do, Karkat found a couch, sat down.

—

Dave walked out of the kitchen some twenty minutes later, pale and still de-bespectacled. He took in Karkat’s presence, paused. His shoulders were tense; his eyes looked scared.

Karkat smiled up at him. His throat felt dry. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry I—“ Dave gestured towards his neck; Karkat subconsciously cupped the bite mark, flushed. “Yeah.”

Karkat nodded.

“And thank you for—“ another pause. Karkat laughed at their own incompetence. “I think you just saved my life or something.”

“Mhm,” Karkat agreed. “Thank you for not leaving me behind.”

Dave nodded.

“So.” Karkat cleared his throat. “This time I’m freeloading on your couch.”

Dave cracked a smile at that. “How the tables.”

Karkat patted the seat next to him. Dave’s eyes gave away a hint of surprise; he still walked over, sat down.

“Will you be okay?”

He nodded. “I just— I pushed myself, with….“

“...teleportation?”

“That.”

They fell into silence again. Karkat felt like his brain would explode.

“How do you know Barthes?”

Dave looked over, clearly taken aback. “What?”

“Ronald Barthes?” Karkat knew he was being difficult. “You knew what I was talking about, that day—“

A flush spread up Dave’s ears. “Rose’s— the lesbian sister— she’s a lit major.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah.”

Another moment. Karkat swallowed.

“Are you going to ask—“ Dave started, stopped. Karkat looked down, bit on his lip. “You’re handling this very well.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Fair.”

Another pause.

“You aren’t human.”

Dave cracked a smile. “No.”

“What are you?”

“That’s—“ Dave stopped, laughed. His eyes looked terrified. Karkat’s chest felt funny. “I nearly said something very cliché.”

“Wow, that’d be scary.”

Dave threw his head back, laughed. Karkat nudged him with an elbow.

“Are you scared?”

Karkat considered lying, decided against it. “I’ve been shitting my pants consistently for the past thirty minutes.”

Dave laughed again.

“Okay.” He leaned back. “Okay. Can I answer through a powerpoint presentation?”

“You have a powerpoint presentation on this?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” Karkat laughed. “Okay. That’s cool.”

“It has cool animations.”

“I should fucking hope so.”

Dave got up, face flushed. “I’ll go get my laptop.”

“Yeah.” Karkat watched him walk away. His chest still felt funny. His shoulders still wouldn’t unclench. “I’ll wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> happy end of act 6 !  
> (check out Hands Unclean if you wanna ye)


End file.
